It's late. I check down on my glass... empty. The bottle... bagged and tagged. Nothing's open and no one's near, damn sad is what it is. Then an IM stabs me through the drawers. It's a booty call. Not the first one from this Joker, either. I check off the little boxes in my cerebellum. What's in it for me? We know the answer but making a booty call for the sake of a booty call, doesn't always pay. What do they want? It's more than the obvious. They always want more than the obvious. What do I want? More than the obvious, too. Most of all it's what I don't want... to be someone's beyotch. I yell back, the dance starts, corners, stops, then starts again, finally we agree... paydirt. They get what's theres, I get mine. A running back switches hands for a wide receiver and a handcuff. It's morning, I can fill my glass again.

Trading is the booty call of fantasy sports. The same questions you ask then, you should ask now. Here's what we ask in either situation:

Who are you Dealing With?

We know what they want or they wouldn't call. It's not what they want, it's who they are. Just like with the booty call, some you answer quickly, some you think about and some you never want to be seen with. If you've been in the league a while each owner has an M.O. Is this the owner that only offers injured players? Didn't they trade off a player last year that had to be put down? Is this the guy that only offers sucker deals? Is it worth making an effort or should you shut him down without looking? How will you feel in the morning?

What's the rip on the Offer?

What's offered and what they want tells you everything about the call. Are they going all in or holding back? Ask two questions: Do I need what's offered? Can I afford to give up what they want? Ask two more: Do they have a clue as to what I need? And are they willing to take that step? If all the answers are yes, it's Paul Revere's Midnight Ride, without the horse or funny hats, unless... If all the answers are no, then walk away. What do you need all that snark about being easy and such. It's when only a couple answers are no that it gets interesting. How much pride do you have? Will you give in to urges or will you hold out for everything you need? And if you hold out will the door be shut?

If you're afraid of missing out on the call, then be ready to be answering everyone's call. Be Mr. Easy with one person, get that rep and fools start emailing from sunup to sunup. You'll be popular until they've drained the pool. You need to ask for everything you want, everything you desire. Then, you have to stand firm. Ignore all the begging and pleading until you get all you want then toss them some flowers and walk away. This isn't love, it's fantasy football.