Let's get right to it, no time to waste as some of you might be taking your last free breath.

1.) Embrace your inner Dictator - We all have a dictator lurking

somewhere inside us and if you want to have a great league then it's time to let the sucker out.

Set the rules, don't bend them and make all others follow along. There will be some

issues, and a few rebels may take up arms to overturn your rule, but a league

free of nonsense is a league that's fun for all. No, you don't have

to wear any funny uniforms or do sily walks.

2.) Loophole-free Rules - This isn't the IRS, Fred. They get away

with closing loopholes behind you because they are the IRS and you

ain't. You don't have such power. To run a dictatorship without a

strong military you need easily enforced rules. Make the suckers

airtight.

3.) Get it upfront - Hookers know it, you better, too. Get the money

upfront or you're chasing fools all over the road. And then they

don't have the money or it's Christmas or they lost their job, the dog

needs hernia surgery, their kids need braces and their wife needs an

augmentation. None are good excuses... okay, the wife's augmentation

if she's smokin' hot but that's it. There's no play without pay, if

it's good for the street it's good for you, meat.

4.) League votes on all Trades - Does this go outside of your

dictatorial rule, damn right it does. Here's why: Nothing will tear

a league up like a bad trade. There's shouting, threats of violence,

maybe even a divorce or two. A bad fantasy trade is worse than

showing up to the house drunk and in the arms of Tiffany and Mystery

from the Tic-Toc club. Don't be the decider on this one. Here's where

we all sing "Power to the People" and give the idiots the vote. Most deals

aren't collusive, people aren't that smart, most are dumbasses not

knowing what they're doing. None will get voted down anyway.

5.) No one gets out Alive - Running a fantasy league is like running

an asylum. Except, the people in the asylum are much nicer...

smarter, too. People originally played fantasy sports because they

loved the sport and wanted to play General Manager for a day. Back in

the 1980's it was a group of guys that never got any play - this was

the Dungeons and Dragons for sports nerds. Now everyone plays and

it's become a way to show everyone whose is bigger - women, too. If

you expect to make friendships playing fantasy sports, forget it.

Maybe pre-Internet, now it's a bloodsport and the first one to leave

the email string is a wuss. Before you decide to be a commissioner

take a look at all the people in the league and understand that each

and every one of them has sharpened a shiv with your name tattooed on

it.

Have fun!